I read Dana Severson’s, Director of Marketing at Promoter.io, and a sucker for annual predictions. He and his followers have suggested preposterous theories grounded in absolutely zero fact or logic. We added to the list. It’s a time to look ahead with unquestionable positivity and make some bold bets on what the future has in store.
- A startup with ‘Uber’ blood officially kills off cable as we know it, taking Direct TV and Comcast with it.
- Drones finally get called what they actually are: remote controlled helicopters.
- Apple will come up with a headband that will beep and keep walking texters from bumping into each other on city streets.
- Google’s self-driving cars develop artificial road rage against Telsa vehicles.
- The UN will send containers of smart phones to ISIS. They fall victim to a Tai “Here in My Garage” Lopez video on YouTube and Candy Crush on Facebook. Afterwards, they lose interest in Islamic Extremism and anything else.
- Internet Explorer finally concedes and removes question asking it to be your default browser.
- The evolutionary chart gets updated to account for texting neck.
- Siri becomes sick of stupid questions and starts to become condescending.
- One man accomplishes the impossible and reaches the end of the Internet. Starts over from the beginning again.
- A brave teenager attempts to communicate face-to-face with another human.
- Video goes viral and starts a movement.
- Google figures out how to show you search results without searching.
- Apple Watch is deemed useless worldwide, but launches Apple Watch 2 and sells 50 million units.
- Blackberry refuses to let go of its QWERTY keyboard, pins all of their hope on their last remaining customer.
- We find out that Facebook knows more about ourselves then we do. Nobody is surprised.
- Mark Zuckerberg actually does give up 4.5 million of his shares to someone who reposted a chain message. Nothing else in the world makes sense after that.
- Japan’s Takata Corporation announced plans for an ‘imploding air bag’ that will avoid all the negative effects of their previous airbags, which tended to blow up.
- Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer will announce plans to continue with the company’s long-term corporate strategy of buying other companies that are doing exciting innovative work and then doing nothing with them whatsoever. Other Fortune 500 companies follow her lead like lemmings.
- Gun maker, Ruger, is coming out with a new pistol in honor of the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives. It will be named “The Congressman.” It doesn’t work, and you can’t fire it.
- Aliens will land on Earth and ask to meet our leaders. They left when they discovered that we don’t have any.
There you have it. What are your bold predictions for 2016? Let us know.
Dana Severson is the Director of Marketing at Promoter.io, Co-founder of StartupsAnonymous.com and founder of StickinaBox.co, a gourmet beef jerky subscription box. He is an AngelPad alum, a weekly contributor to Inc.com, and the former CEO of Wahooly. LinkedIn rated him one of the top 10 writers on Entrepreneurship in 2015.